Blog - Sonja Smout Celebrant

Are you a little lost deciding what to include in your wedding ceremony? Maybe you haven’t been to very many weddings and really don’t know what to expect. Or maybe you’ve been to a lot of weddings and feel like you want something to make your wedding ceremony uniquely yours?

Welcome to my series on the wedding ceremony. In this post I’m going to give an overview of a wedding ceremony and briefly discuss some of the different sub-rituals that are available to add to your ceremony. Then I’ll dedicate a new post to one or two of them in depth over the coming weeks.

The traditional wedding ceremony format starts with the arrival of the marrying party/s. Traditionally this was where the father of the bride would walk his daughter down the aisle to where the groom is standing at the front. Nowadays, this can be anything you like. You might have both parties arrive with their parents or extended families, or with their children. The couple might decide to arrive together, or already be waiting when guests start to arrive. You might have attendants, often they are also your witnesses, but may not be. There might be children or pets involved.

Then there’s a bit of talking. Depending on your venue and celebrant, this might be short and sweet, or a bit longer. It might be followed by a meaningful reading or poem, or even a song. Your celebrant can give you guidance on this, but if you have something specific you’d like to include – by all means, chat to your celebrant.

This is often followed by the “I do’s” and the legal parts of the wedding. Your celebrant has a certain set of words that are legally required, and you will have to say your legal vows out loud. But you won’t be left on your own, your celebrant is there to guide you and prompt you. You can also choose to read them off a card if that works for you. Many couples choose to add personal vows to the legal ones. You don’t have to do this, but if you choose to, your celebrant will be there to help guide you.

Your personal vows might include the exchange of rings, or you might do this separately. Some people might be surprised to learn that wedding rings are not legally required (sorry jewellery lovers!). You could choose to have other symbols of unity, or skip this part entirely.

You are usually then announced to your guests as married and invited to kiss. From here, there are three documents that need signing by the couple, their two witnesses and the celebrant. As you can imagine, this takes more than a few seconds, so it’s strongly recommended that you have some music to play during this time.

Now if you are the type of couple who would like their ceremony to be short and sweet, then there is no need to add to this. If it’s a hot day, or you suffer from nerves, or you simply don’t like a lot of pomp and ceremony, then a short sweet wedding is just as beautiful as a long one.

Sometimes, however, you want a little extra. This is where sub-rituals come in. These can be incorporated at almost any point of the ceremony. Your celebrant will give you guidance as to where a particular ritual fits best, based on your particular circumstances. I personally recommend you stick to one or two sub-rituals, you don’t want your wedding remembered for the wrong reasons!

Sub-rituals include:

Candle lighting ceremonies – a lovely way to include parents
Sand ceremonies – an especially nice way to symbolise the blending of families with children from previous relationships
Circle of acceptance or welcome circles – another lovely way to include your parents or children (or both!)
Warming of the rings – recommended for small weddings or for just a few of the guests
Handfasting
Jumping over a sword
Drinking from a goblet or sharing some food
Butterfly or Dove releases

This list is in no way exhaustive. Couples might also like to use their wedding to make a baby announcement, or declare an adoption official. You might like to have a raffle ticket under 2 chairs to choose your witnesses. Guests could bring a single long stem of their favourite flower and give it to you as you walk up the aisle and you collect them to make your bouquet. Bring your imagination, and make your ceremony yours.

Choosing a celebrant can be hard. You are choosing the person to join you with your loved one. Finding the right one is important.

If you are meeting with a celebrant to simply decide if you want to engage this person’s services, then simply bring yourself. Try to have an idea of what you want from your celebrant – do you want all the bells and whistles, someone willing to parachute from a plane with you and your beloved and marry you wherever you land? (Spoiler – that’s not me). Do you want a cookie cutter pre-planned ceremony where you only have to change the names. (I can do that if that’s really what you are after.) Or do you want someone who will get to know you, personalise your ceremony and make you the priority on your day? (This is my favourite type!)

If you have already decided on a celebrant, and you just want to get the ball rolling, here’s what you need to know for the initial meeting:

You must compete a Notice of Intent to Marry (NOIM) at least one calendar month before your wedding and lodge it with your celebrant. Usually they will do this with you, but sometimes this isn’t possible and you may need to arrange an alternative with your celebrant. If you haven’t fixed a date yet, that’s ok, this form is valid for 18 months after you lodge it with your celebrant.

You need to bring with you:

Your birth certificates
Photo ID – E.G. Passport, Driver’s licence
Change of name documentation if your name is different to the one on your birth certificate – this might include previous marriage certificates, name change certificates, deed poll etc.
Evidence of Divorce, Death or Nullity of any previous marriages.
All documents must be accompanied with an accredited translation if not in English.

If you have any poems or songs you want to include in the ceremony, bring them along. You can choose to write your own vows to go along with the legal ones, but you do not have to write the ceremony! This is our job, and we will have plenty of suggestions for you.

Bring anything you want to show your celebrant – but do remember that they are there for the ceremony and to make sure it’s all legal. They will likely have contacts within the wedding industry if you would like recommendations, but they are not trained wedding planners!

Your celebrant may require a deposit, or in some cases full payment to secure your date. Check with them in advance.

Lastly, do allow an hour or more for the NOIM meeting. There’s paperwork to do and stories to tell. However, don’t expect to walk out of that meeting with a fully written ceremony. Most celebrants will spend anywhere from 6-12 hours (or more!) writing your personalised ceremony. Check with them as to what sort of time frame you can expect the first draft, and be upfront about how much input you want to have.