Are you a little lost deciding what to include in your wedding ceremony? Maybe you haven’t been to very many weddings and really don’t know what to expect. Or maybe you’ve been to a lot of weddings and feel like you want something to make your wedding ceremony uniquely yours?
Welcome to my series on the wedding ceremony. In this post I’m going to give an overview of a wedding ceremony and briefly discuss some of the different sub-rituals that are available to add to your ceremony. Then I’ll dedicate a new post to one or two of them in depth over the coming weeks.
The traditional wedding ceremony format starts with the arrival of the marrying party/s. Traditionally this was where the father of the bride would walk his daughter down the aisle to where the groom is standing at the front. Nowadays, this can be anything you like. You might have both parties arrive with their parents or extended families, or with their children. The couple might decide to arrive together, or already be waiting when guests start to arrive. You might have attendants, often they are also your witnesses, but may not be. There might be children or pets involved.
Then there’s a bit of talking. Depending on your venue and celebrant, this might be short and sweet, or a bit longer. It might be followed by a meaningful reading or poem, or even a song. Your celebrant can give you guidance on this, but if you have something specific you’d like to include – by all means, chat to your celebrant.
This is often followed by the “I do’s” and the legal parts of the wedding. Your celebrant has a certain set of words that are legally required, and you will have to say your legal vows out loud. But you won’t be left on your own, your celebrant is there to guide you and prompt you. You can also choose to read them off a card if that works for you. Many couples choose to add personal vows to the legal ones. You don’t have to do this, but if you choose to, your celebrant will be there to help guide you.
Your personal vows might include the exchange of rings, or you might do this separately. Some people might be surprised to learn that wedding rings are not legally required (sorry jewellery lovers!). You could choose to have other symbols of unity, or skip this part entirely.
You are usually then announced to your guests as married and invited to kiss. From here, there are three documents that need signing by the couple, their two witnesses and the celebrant. As you can imagine, this takes more than a few seconds, so it’s strongly recommended that you have some music to play during this time.
Now if you are the type of couple who would like their ceremony to be short and sweet, then there is no need to add to this. If it’s a hot day, or you suffer from nerves, or you simply don’t like a lot of pomp and ceremony, then a short sweet wedding is just as beautiful as a long one.
Sometimes, however, you want a little extra. This is where sub-rituals come in. These can be incorporated at almost any point of the ceremony. Your celebrant will give you guidance as to where a particular ritual fits best, based on your particular circumstances. I personally recommend you stick to one or two sub-rituals, you don’t want your wedding remembered for the wrong reasons!
Sub-rituals include:
- Candle lighting ceremonies – a lovely way to include parents
- Sand ceremonies – an especially nice way to symbolise the blending of families with children from previous relationships
- Circle of acceptance or welcome circles – another lovely way to include your parents or children (or both!)
- Warming of the rings – recommended for small weddings or for just a few of the guests
- Handfasting
- Jumping over a sword
- Drinking from a goblet or sharing some food
- Butterfly or Dove releases
This list is in no way exhaustive. Couples might also like to use their wedding to make a baby announcement, or declare an adoption official. You might like to have a raffle ticket under 2 chairs to choose your witnesses. Guests could bring a single long stem of their favourite flower and give it to you as you walk up the aisle and you collect them to make your bouquet. Bring your imagination, and make your ceremony yours.